Patterns Of Growth
by lwbush
Summary: My first Buffy fic. A study in relationships.


Patterns of Growth

By Lori Bush

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, belonging as they do to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy and the WB. Unlike my other fandom, I think on the whole this bunch deserves the people they have here, so I'm just going to borrow them for now. Please don't sue me for exercising my imagination with them.

Rating: PG 

Pairing: X/A, X/W, X/B, W/T, W/Other (I was pretty indecisive for a while…)

Spoilers: Superstar, Triangle – probably others, but those specifically

Summary: A study in relationships.

Author's Notes: I really wanted this to end one way, but it refused and went the other direction. I even thought about writing two different endings, but once the characters headed down their chosen path, I was unable to pull them back and get them to go anywhere else. 

I think my timeline may be a bit off-kilter, since it takes place after "Triangle," but rather closer to the start of the school year than I know that was. So, go with the flow.

Oh, and this is my very first completed "Buffy" story, although it wasn't the first one I started. Please let me know if I should continue writing in this fandom.

Unbeta'd.

~**~

Life, Willow had realized in all her years living in Sunnydale, was painful. Probably more painful in Sunnydale than elsewhere, but there were certain common occurrences, bad things that happened even in places where the mayor hadn't been a hell-spawned demon and vampires didn't roam the streets on a nightly basis. People had their hearts broken, or lost everything they owned. People died in car wrecks – everywhere.

She looked over at the young man beside her, broken in grief, and then up at the casket at the front of the chapel. People died in car wrecks, yeah. But not people she knew – people she'd come to think of as almost friends. Not Anya.

After over eleven hundred years of life, Anya was dead, and nothing at all supernatural had caused it. She's taken Xander's car, lost control, and ran into a huge tree. Willow recalled the first time the ex-demon had driven, with her along, and knew maybe this shouldn't have been a surprise. She lingered in a coma for a few days, but the doctors all said that if she should chance to awaken, she'd be basically a vegetable. It was almost a blessing that she never came to.

Except for Xander – there was no blessing for him. Either way he would have suffered, but this was quite possibly the worst thing that had ever happened to him, and that was saying a lot considering the life her best friend had led.

Willow had gone to see him the day after Anya died. He sat like a statue in his apartment – their apartment, really, since Anya rarely stayed at her own – and the redhead held his hand silently until he finally broke down.

"She didn't warn me, Wills. She made me promise I'd warn her – she owed me the same." Not understanding, but not needing to, Willow nodded and patted his back tentatively. He seemed to collapse under her touch, and began sobbing on her shoulder. "I love her, so much. She was the only thing that ever went right." He said more, but none of it had been coherent to the witch. When he'd worn down to hiccupping uneven breaths, she led him to his room and tucked him in, not leaving his side until she was sure he was fast asleep. Then she called Tara, dug a blanket out of a closet, and slept there in the chair.

They'd taken turns being with him after that – herself, Buffy, Tara, Giles – even Buffy's mom had taken a shift. Buffy had been pretty upset herself – she still saw Xander and Anya's as the relationship that would be all the things her relationship with Riley hadn't been. Willow bent forward just slightly, looking across Xander to where the Slayer sat holding his hand, tears coursing down her face.

Then a warm hand clasped Willow's. "They'll be alright," her lover whispered in her ear. "We just have to be there for them." The redhead turned to look at Tara, and got a shy sad smile in return. Willow squeezed the blonde's hand in response, and nodded.

She hadn't been there for him for a long time. That was going to change.

~**~

"Xander, come on. You haven't gone out in six months, and I just think it would do you some good." Buffy and Willow sat across from their Xander-shaped friend at his kitchen table in his new apartment. He was still dirty and sweaty from work, and had declared that they should go to the Bronze without him since it would take him too long to get ready. The Slayer went on. "I've seen you shower and change in fifteen minutes if you want to. So want to!" She stood up, hands on her hips, and made a threatening face at him.

The dark eyes smiled back at her. "Hey – you can't frighten me – I know the Slayer!" He looked back and forth between the two women. "What is it with you guys lately? I can't get rid of either of you. You're here when I get home from work, you take me to the mall or a movie every weekend, or something." His eyes lost the shine, and his face grew serious. "I still miss her, and I probably always will, a little. But you don't need to baby-sit me, honest. I'm fine."

"Maybe we like being around you," Willow offered. "Like it used to be – just the three of us."

"Wills, you used to be a shy computer nerd, I was the King of Cretins, and Buffy was the strange new girl with a mysterious and deadly hobby. None of us are anything like that anymore. Besides, you have Tara, you and Buff both have college, and I have my wonderful world of construction. Things could never be the way they used to be again." He sighed, and the witch could almost read his mind as thoughts of Anya passed visibly through it. The he sat up straight, apparently steeling his resolve. "Fine, I'll shower, and we'll go to the Bronze tonight." He stood, and for a moment, his expression was so much like the old Xander that Willow thought they'd been transported through time. "I don't suppose either of you'd like to scrub my back?" Buffy swatted him, chasing him and cuffing him repeatedly until he closed his bedroom door between them in defense. "Fifteen minutes," he hollered from inside.

~**~

Willow played with her drink, wondering where Tara was. She had called her before they'd left Xander's, asking her to meet them at the club. She knew her girlfriend wasn't completely happy with the amount of time Willow had been spending with her old friends, but that was the main reason she'd called and invited the other witch to join them this evening. She looked out on the dance floor, where her two best friends were, together. The band was good (*Not as good as Dingoes used to be,* she thought nostalgically), and the place was rocking. She smiled as she noticed Xander lean over and shout something to the Slayer that made her laugh. Little by little she was seeing her best friend come back from the blue funk he'd been in since Anya's death. The only good thing about the accident (outside of the fact that she and her friends had rediscovered their old closeness) was that Buffy had had little time to mourn over Riley's absence in the face of Xander's more tragic loss.

Soon after the funeral, the young man had moved to a new apartment, his landlady sympathetic enough to let him out of his old lease under the circumstances. Willow couldn't help but notice he'd bought a new bed, too. When she commented on it, he murmured something about the smell of perfume, and she didn't pursue the subject. He'd been awful quiet for a while, but the past few weeks had seen cracks in the shell he had built, and the loveable funny Xandman she'd known for so many years had begun peering out through those openings.

Guilty as they'd been charged, Willow and Buffy had kept him busy, not letting him stew in his misery. He went on patrol as often as the Slayer felt she could press him into it, and after a few uncomfortable visits right at first, was once again a regular fixture in The Magic Box many evenings. In fact, things like the store that reminded him of the ex-demonness now seemed to bring back the happy memories, instead of a reminder of his loss. Xander was coming to terms with his pain.

Willow was pulled from her contemplation by a hand on her shoulder, and she gazed up into a soft smile. "Hi," Tara said. "You're a long way away. Planning to come back soon?"

The redhead rested her cheek on her girlfriend's hand briefly. "Just thinking about Xan, and how far he's come." A strange look crossed Tara's face, but it was there and gone, and Willow barely dwelt on it. Even if she had wanted to, the return of her friends from the dance floor would have driven it from her mind.

"Xander's goin' on patrol with me tonight, you wanna… Oh never mind. Hi, Tara," Buffy blew out on one breath.

Xander grinned at the blonde witch. "Hiya, beautiful." He leaned over and kissed the top of her head, and she stuck her tongue out at him, grinning. "Hate to greet and run, but these two girls don't like to see me sitting down for long. Bye!"

As they walked away, the girls at the table could hear Buffy teasing the tall man. "If you sit down, we can't see your cute butt…" His smart answer, for which they could see him get poked, was lost in the noise of the club.

"It is good to see him smiling and playing again," Tara said in her quiet and serious way. "He's a good guy, Willow. I can't blame you."

"Blame me? What for?"

"Still being in love with him." Since Tara's voice often sounded sad even when she wasn't, Willow wasn't sure what to make of that statement and the way it was made.

"Me? No way," she protested. "Been there, done that, got the tee shirt, chose an alternative lifestyle. I *love* Xan, but I'm not *in love* with him." Willow looked sharply at her lover. "I love *you*, remember?"

"You chose me over Oz. I'm not sure you'd choose me over Xander."

"I chose Oz over Xander, so that puts you even higher."

"Guilt." Tara's voice never rose, and her tone never changed. "You chose Oz because you felt guilty about what you and Xander had done to him and Cordelia. If it hadn't been for that, you'd be his now," she pointed over her shoulder to the exit, "not mine."

The redheaded witch knew she couldn't completely argue with that logic, so she shifted the subject. "Besides, he's in love with Buffy, always has been, and now that she's available, too, he can have her. She's noticing him this time around, too. Why would I want to go through *that* whole triangle thing again?"

"I didn't say you wanted to feel that way – just that you do." Tara got up from the table. "I'll see you later." Without waiting for a response, she left the Bronze.

Willow sat, stunned and not quite sure of what just hit her.

~**~

"…and so I think we're facing a little trouble in paradise. What do you think?" The small stuffed bear to which Willow was speaking chose not to respond. "Ahh," the redhead said, wisely, "A believer in classic psychotherapy, huh? Let the patient talk long enough, they'll get to the root of their *own* problem." The witch twisted around, snagging the bear off the pillow just prior to plopping her own head in its place and clutching the creature to her chest. The door bursting open and the loud and mirthful voices almost caused Willow to jump out of her skin.

"Wills?" Buffy looked confused to see her usually absent roommate. "I thought you'd be at Tara's – or still at the Bronze, even though it *is* pretty late." The Slayer was wearing iridescent puce splotches that were probably demon blood across her black tee shirt. "I just came back to change out of this mess before I walked Xander home. You feel like coming along?"

"Or you and the bear seriously bonding, there?" Xander asked, gesturing to the stuffed animal she was clinging to almost desperately.

"Oh, no," the redhead said, facing Buffy, "And no," she finished, looking at Xander. "He was just listening to me. I have a few issues I needed to be alone a while to deal with. But not alone, no one listening, alone. Just alone, no one listening who could tell me what to do, alone. Although I'm fine now," she ended cheerily. She'd really wanted to talk to Buffy, but knew if she said so, Xander would hurry home alone, and she might blow a chance at the two of them getting together, which, if it happened, would prove Tara wrong, or at least remove Willow from any triangle type of relationship. Or from any decision making process involving her and her two best friends. And she and Tara could go back to living happily in Lesbian-land, ever after. Willow had been confused enough in her life, especially in her love life. It was no time to start that again. Buffy and Xander together, and she'd never have to go there. "You two just run on." Goddess – she sounded like Giles just then.

"I think we've been dismissed," the Slayer laughed, emerging from the door while still pulling down the bottom of her clean shirt. She held out her arm to Xander. "Shall we be off, suh?"

He took her arm with great ceremony. "Absolutely, Madame." Willow didn't miss the look the blonde girl shot her before the door closed. It clearly said, *Don't go anywhere. We'll talk when I get back.*

~**~

""Kay, witchy woman. What's the sitch?" Buffy plopped down on the bed beside her best friend, who had spent the last half hour debating whether she should stay or go. It wasn't like it would be strange for her not to be here – in the past school year, she'd spent more time in Tara's single room than in her rightful dorm room with Buffy. But Willow also knew that Buffy had read her mood and would probably come looking for her, and if vampires couldn't hide from the Slayer, what were the chances for one mortal witch?

The redhead had also thought about how to introduce the subject when her friend returned. "Remember the whole thing with me and Xander when Spike was holding us hostage?"

"I'd be about as likely to forget my own birthday – which is usually every bit as much fun as that was," Buffy answered, wryly.

"It's sort of happening again," Willow announced, darkly.

"You and Xand – kissage? Cool! Oh, but…"

"Tara. Yeah. And we haven't kissed or anything, but I'm starting to have feelings for him again, and I don't really want to. I mean, geez, I'm *gay*! I ought to be so over this."

"Does Tara have any idea?"

"She's the one who told *me* I was still in love with him."

"Ewwww."

Willow nodded solemnly in agreement. "But that comes back around to the whole being gay issue."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Willow, I know you led a sheltered life before college, but haven't you ever heard of people who are *bi*? You know, swing both ways?"

The redhead's frown deepened. "Marti in the Gay and Lesbian Student Support Group says that people who claim to be bi are just chickens who can't admit they're really gay."

The Slayer snorted derisively. "Not all prejudiced people wear white sheets or thump Bibles, I see. Someone sounds a bit defensive about her own choices, and so wants to condemn everyone who doesn't see it her way."

Willow giggled in spite of the seriousness of their discussion. "She does come off a bit the Evangelical Lesbian. 'Gloom and doom to the heterosexual people of the world!'" Her smile faded. "Even if I am bisexual, Buffy, that doesn't solve my problem, it just complicates things further. And what about you?"

Buffy raised her hand. "Completely straight, honest."

"You know that's not what I meant," Willow chided her, poking the blonde in the ribs. "You and Xand have gotten pretty close, lately. Don't lie and say you haven't thought about it."

"Thought about it? Maybe even fantasized about it," Buffy answered dreamily. Then, seeing Willow's surprised face, she shook herself. "Sorry, Wills – maybe too much information there. I guess I've been without a man too long."

Willow sat cross-legged on the edge of the bed, elbows resting on her knees and the stuffed bear still in her lap. "So what do we do now?"

"You – need to decide how you feel about Tara whether or not Xander would choose you. If you really love her, stay with her. If not, maybe it was ending anyway. But don't put that kind of pressure on Xander, especially without him knowing. I – need to stop and think if I really like him that way, or if I'm letting my current state of manlessness make me all sweaty about anything with a Y chromosome that passes through my orbit. And we both should probably wait and see if he expresses any interest in *either* of us." 

"That wasn't really an answer."

"We haven't really decided what the question is, yet."

~**~

Patrol. Endless hours of walking through gloomy cemeteries looking for creepy things and killing them. *What fun,* Buffy thought, gloomily. *And not a great place to meet guys, either.* Surreptitiously, she snuck a look at the tall man next to her, knowing in her heart that there was one man she could, and for several years, did, share this with. She'd never considered sharing anything *more* with him, however. Not until recently.

Anya's death had changed Xander in ways only visible to those who knew him best, which would be Buffy, Willow and Giles. The former librarian even commented on the young man's newfound maturity recently. It was the reason he'd had no objection when Buffy started taking Xander with her almost every night on her rounds. "The boy seems more *grounded* now," her Watcher had replied, when she'd wondered out loud why.

He'd been to hell and back – they all had, in their own ways. Jenny Calendar, Angel, Oz, Anya – the casualties in the daily battle that the Scooby Gang called life. Sure, Angel and Oz were still walking around, but just as gone. Willow was struggling now with her relationship with Tara. Another one about to go under? Maybe Slayers were meant to be alone, like the First Slayer had once said, but Slayerettes were included in that pronouncement. They could be friends - *have* friends, but nothing more than that. Get any closer, you die. 

Or maybe it was just meant to be the three of them, always. Four – Giles was a part, too. And maybe Willow was right – one of the two of them had to end up with Xander. That of course, would leave the other with – Giles? Ewww. Not going there right now.

"Xander," she finally spoke aloud, realizing that her contemplation wasn't going anywhere productive. "Do you think there are people who are born without soulmates? You know, never meant to be romantically linked to another?"

He raised an eyebrow. "This about anyone we know?"

She looked at him, sarcastically wide-eyed. "Ya think?"

He snorted in response. "Looking at us as a group, only Willow's made it work, so far."

Mouth in gear before engaging brain, Buffy blurted out, "They're having problems, too."

"Shit." Xander seemed to collapse slightly under the weight of that news.

"Oh, man. I shouldn't have – it's not – " Buffy looked at his slumped shoulders, knowing just how he felt. She'd felt the same about him and Anya – if I can't have a good relationship, at least I know someone I love does. Now she'd pulled that rug out from under him.

"It's okay, Buff. I just hate to see her suffer too. And I wonder why she didn't tell me herself?"

A couple of undead party crashers saved her the trouble of having to make something up. The Slayer had never been so happy to have work to do, and even though she and Xander made short work of dusting the pair, the subject had been derailed, and she wasn't about to let it back on *that* track. "Let's head on over the store. Our work tonight is finished, in my book."

She knew it wasn't her place to tell Xander how Willow felt about him, but what really scared her was that she didn't *want* to. And she really didn't want to think about why she felt that way just yet.

~**~

"Hi, Jonathon," Willow greeted the young man at the cash register. After Anya's death, Giles had been reluctant to hire just anyone to take her place as clerk in the shop. Both Willow and Buffy had suggested their former classmate, Jonathon Levinson. Although they hadn't cared for the results, his spell making everyone adore him had been highly effective, and proved his skill with magic. Plus, his therapist had suggested he scale back his schedule at college to reduce his stress level, so he was only taking one class this semester, and had plenty of free time. And even more ideally, he knew about the Slayer and the Scoobies, yet had no desire to be a part of their work. He had been the perfect candidate, and Giles had hired him on the spot.

"Hey, Willow. You had a call earlier, but the guy didn't leave a message."

"Not even his name?"

The young man shrugged. "Sorry."

The redhead waved it off. "No biggie." She'd been tutoring at the college off and on, and with finals coming up, figured it was someone looking for last minute help. She looked up when the bell at the door tinkled. "Tara."

"Willow."

The two women stood looking at each other. They'd spent some time together in the last week or so, but not as much as they once had. The tide was turning, and they were drifting apart. "Can I talk to you?" the blonde asked, quietly. With an uncomfortable gaze at the front counter, she added, "Alone?" Willow nodded, and led her to the table in the back room.

Without preamble, Tara announced, "I've gotten the papers back. After I go home this summer, I'm transferring to UCLA." Willow just stared at her own hands. So this was it. It didn't feel like a crisis, like when she'd lost Oz, or what happened to Buffy with Angel or Riley. It just felt like the other shoe had finally dropped, and it was a painful kind of relief, really. Perhaps maturity brought a kind of numbness along with it in these situations – she didn't want to have many more of them for that feeling, or lack thereof, to grow, however. A few minutes of awkward silence passed, and she heard the other chair scoot out, as Tara got up to leave.

"Tara," Willow called softly before the blonde went through the beaded curtain. "This isn't Xander's fault."

"I know. It's not yours either – these things just happen sometimes." The beads rattled, and she was gone.

~**~

It was cool here, and dark. It was the place she'd come when her mother told her Granny had died, and when her father had refused to let her get that kitten from the Humane Society. Even though it was in the middle of the park, the way the trees grew together, few people were even aware of the small enclosed area within them. She'd only ever showed one other person, and he…

"Willow?"

…was here. Damn. "In here, Xander." She heard him grunting, trying to fit through a space that was Willow-sized, through which he'd come with little difficulty when they were seven. He'd grown a bit. She smiled in spite of herself.

Dusting himself off, he folded up to try and sit on the ground beside her. In the small space, he practically had to sit *on* her, and she shifted to give him as much room as possible. "Hey."

"Hi." She tried to think of something to say besides the obvious. "So – why aren't you at work building a more beautiful Sunnydale?"

"I got off a little early – but it is almost five, you know." Willow realized with surprise she'd been here most of the afternoon. "I know about Tara," Xander continued, more gently. "Jonathon was worried about you, and he called me."

"That was sweet of him. Remind me to turn him into a toad later."

Xander took her hand, and in spite of herself, her heart leapt a bit. "You always think you want to be alone when something bad happens, Will, but you don't, really. I thought so after Anya died, but you and Buffy knew better. I couldn't have made it without you guys. Let me help you through this, 'kay?"

Too overcome for words, she nodded slowly. Xander wrapped his arm around her, and Willow rested her head against his shoulder, and for now, they were just two life-long friends, being strong together while the world fell apart around them.

~**~

"Where have you two been? Giles and I have been worried sick – it's after ten, and you've been gone since this afternoon. This is not a good place to do that kind of thing." Xander had walked Willow back to her room, where an absolutely frantic Vampire Slayer greeted them.

"Chill, Mom," Xander laughed. "We've been doing best friend stuff. Can't a guy spend a little time with a friend in need?"

"Oh, Will," Buffy cried, her whole mood changing in an instant, "I went to Tara's room looking for you, and she told me you'd broken up. I'm so sorry." She took the slender witch in her arms, and the tears Willow thought she'd used up started to flow again, briefly.

Pulling free, the redhead dried her eyes with her sleeve. "Thanks, Buff. I knew it was coming, I thought I was prepared. But you know, you're just never quite ready when it actually happens." She brightened slightly. "Wanna help me turn Jonathon into a toad?"

"I think that's my cue to leave. Gotta work tomorrow, anyway." Xander pulled them both into a hug. "It's a good thing we all have each other, huh?"

Buffy and Willow smiled somewhat guiltily at each other. "Yeah." "Sure is." "Night, Xander." "Bye." He released them and left.

Willow looked at Buffy, who was still watching the door that closed behind Xander's retreating figure. "I believe we're right back at: 'What do we do now?'"

The Slayer frowned. "We study for finals." Off Willow's look, Buffy said, "That *did* sound uncharacteristically mature, didn't it?" Just then the phone rang, and the blonde ran to answer it. "Yeah, hi, Giles. They're back. No – fine. Everything is just peachy."

*Until we make Xander choose between us, * Willow thought, darkly. 

~**~

"…and I got a B minus in Sociology, which is *way* better than I expected," Buffy finished, smiling at Jonathon proudly.

"Well, I aced my class, but with only one, and lots of study time when it's slow here, I wasn't surprised."

"Heck, Jon, you're almost as smart as Willow. Of course you got an A. I'm sure she got all A's, didn't ya, Wills?" It was raining today, so Xander's crew was sent home, since the building they were working on didn't have a roof yet. So he was participating in the conversation.

"Well, I did get an A minus in Archeology. I just kept confusing the pre-Columbian artifacts."

"Happens to me all the time," Xander commiserated. 

"Ohh," Buffy moaned, "I forgot to tell Giles about that print we found outside the cemetery last night, Xan. Come with me, please, so he won't kill me over it. Besides, you got a better look at it than I did." The two headed through the beads into the back room and the proprietor's office.

"Um, Willow?" Jonathon coughed. "You – okay? I mean, the Tara thing, and all?"

"Yeah, thanks." The witch was studying a new spell book on the counter, not really paying attention to the young man on the other side.

"Would you like to go out some time – to a movie or something?"

Willow's mouth refused to move. Speechless. Shock. Jonathon?

"With, uh, me, I mean." He went on even more nervously, seeing the silence as a dangerous hole that must be filled before he fell into it and hurt himself. "I know you like girls and all, and maybe we could just go as friends first, and you could see your way to liking me, since I know you used to like Oz, so you aren't a total stranger to liking guys, and –"

She shook herself. "Breathe, Jonathon. You're gonna hyperventilate."

He nodded, and sank onto the stool behind him. "I am feeling a little lightheaded."

"Me, too," Willow murmured, still in shock.

After a few minutes more silence, Jonathon said, "Well?"

"I have to be honest, it's not something I'd given any thought to before. You sort of took me by surprise. Can I think about it a bit?" Okay, polite understatement. Never in her wildest *dreams* had Willow considered Jonathon Levinson as anything beyond background noise. Except when under that spell…

He nodded, and the redhead stumbled outside, her head in a whirl.

~**~

"So Giles couldn't find anything to match that print, huh?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I mean, no. He's not giving up, though. You should know that – 'We have not yet *begun* to research!'" Buffy looked at her companion through bleary eyes.

"Look, you just finished a week of finals, and I bet you slept even less than you usually do. Go home, Buff. I'll finish patrol. Don't worry about it." Xander put his arm around the sleepy Slayer, steering her toward the cemetery gate that led to the road she'd take home. "You're so tired I bet you can't think straight."

His arm was so warm, so strong. She leaned comfortably into it, putting her head on his chest. When they reached the gate, she turned towards him, and his other arm came around her back instinctively, to steady her. She snaked her own arms around his neck. "You take such good care of me," she said into the front of his shirt, then tilted her head up, kissing him full on the lips. Without thinking, he kissed her back, his senses buzzing with the electricity between them. Finally, he regained the capacity for rational thought, and pulled away.

She grinned lazily, and without another word turned and headed towards her house. Xander stood motionless at the cemetery gate. "So tired you can't think straight," he whispered.

~**~

Jonathon had gone on vacation with his family, which was quite a relief to Willow. She still hadn't decided how she felt about his asking her out, but she had told Giles long before summer came that she would be able to work in the shop while school was out, helping him prepare for a planned remodeling. It was easier with Jonathon gone, frankly. At least, for now.

Things had been odd between Buffy and Xander lately, too. Not uncomfortable, but there was a palpable tension. Willow almost felt like, if she squinted, she might actually be able to *see* whatever stood between her two best friends, it was that much there. She'd been so wrapped up in her own inner debate and turmoil, she was sure she'd missed something somehow, right under her nose. Neither one would talk about it with her, either – waving her concerns off without explanation or discussion.

As for Willow, she'd had yet *another* surprising interaction just that morning. She'd been shelving some new books, and had backed into a customer, causing her to drop "The Encyclopedic Directory of Known Demons" on her own toe. While Willow was aware the Directory was incomplete (she'd looked through and found it missing several types of demons she'd personally encountered), it was still quite large, and she cried out in pain.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," a familiar voice gasped.

Still massaging her injured digit, the redheaded witch replied, without looking up, "It was my fault, honest. Don't worry about it," she looked into the other girl's face, "Katie!"

"Hi, Willow," Katie said, not seeming too surprised to find her there.

"I've never seen you in here before. Are you interested in witchcraft or magic?"

"I've never been here before," Katie admitted. "I came because I was interested in *you*." The dark eyed girl hung her head and blushed. "I'd heard you telling somebody you'd be working here this summer, and I also heard you and Tara broke up."

"I haven't seen you since –"

"Yeah, Marti jumped all over me for saying I thought I was bi. I stopped going to meetings after that. She graduated, so I don't have to worry about her anymore, and I'm not sure a whole lot of people agreed with her, so I'll probably be back next year. You still going?"

The redhead shrugged. "I may be suffering the same problem you were having with the group – y'know, the whole 'bi' thing."

"So, a guy broke you two up?

"Well, not exactly…"

"Wills? Giles wanted me to bring him the book about Irish demons in the Twentieth Century, and I have no idea where to look." Xander appeared, looking pitiful – he knew the puppy eyes always worked on Willow, and besides, he really didn't know where to look. Finally he noticed the other girl. "Whoops, you have a customer, sorry, I'll just…"

"No customer – friend." Katie smiled, and in return, got a crooked but warm Xander grin. "Katie McCloud," she offered.

"Any friend of Wills is one of mine." He stuck out his hand. "Xander Harris." 

They shook, and as he drew back his hand, a large tome was shoved into it. "Here you go, Big Interrupting Guy. Go startle Giles with your rapid response to his request," the redhead witch prodded, eager to hear what else Katie had to say to her.

"You imply I'm slothful. That cuts me to the quick."

"You are – and you must have the raggiest quick in existence, if it's really been cut as many times as you've said that." Willow shoved him gently. "Bye?"

He took the hint. "Bye. Nice to meet you, Katie."

"You too," she answered, somewhat eagerly. After the man was gone, Katie turned back to Willow. "I understand, now."

"Huh?"

"For him, I'd become bi even if I wasn't already." She grinned widely. "So, do you have a chance with him?"

"I thought this was about whether I had a chance with you?"

Katie grinned even wider. "Options are what keep life interesting."

~**~

"Interesting," Buffy said to Xander as they headed for the cemetery. "So there really are demons who do nothing to people?"

"Yeah, at least that's what Giles said. This print must have come from one that got lost going to the pet cemetery or something. All it eats are cat remains."

"Ewww."

"Yeah – the least it could do would be eat *live* cats – then it could qualify as a beneficial demon."

Buffy slugged his arm. "You are such a sicko. Just because you aren't a cat person…"

The tall man rubbed his arm. "I was just kidding, honest."

"A year our of high school, and they still play like preschoolers. Aren't they sweet? I hope I don't get diabetes from feeding off them." A group of vamps stood before them, a memorable blonde figure in the front.

"Well, if it isn't the original Dead Blonde Joke," Xander sneered. "Hello, Harmony. Can't wait to see your dust." He pulled his stake, and Buffy dropped to sparring position.

"Let's get this over with," the Slayer sighed, just before the attack began.

~**~

"Is there a reason we're still here at two a.m.?" Willow asked Giles tiredly.

"We have no life?" the Watcher offered, in an equally exhausted voice.

"Oh, it's good to know my social existence is so pitiful even the elderly are aware of it," Willow groaned.

"I take umbrage at that remark," Giles responded.

Willow lifted a brow. "I can't believe you said that with a straight face."

"Actually, I know there was a real answer to that question, but the fact I can't remember what it is indicates that it's time we should be going." Just then, the bell jingled as the door slammed open. Buffy entered, half carrying an unconscious Xander. Spike was supporting the other half.

"My God," Giles exclaimed, jumping up from his chair to help, "What happened?"

"Harmony," Buffy spit out, not looking too good herself. "And she actually had some talent."

"True, it all belonged to the other vampires she had with her, but still…" Spike draped his part of Xander over Giles shoulder and stood back, watching as the other two arranged his former roommate on the cot in the back of the shop.

Willow was kneeling by the cot, checking Xander's pulse and assessing the damage. "Did you dust her?" she asked, not looking up.

The blonde vamp leaned against the doorframe and lit a cigarette. "Stupid bint got away. She's always been the lucky type."

Giles glared at the interloper. "How many times have I told you not to do that in here? Smoke is bad for the herbs. Out!" Spike slunk to the front, and they hear the bell. He returned sans tobacco, looking guiltily to see if Buffy was angry with him. She appeared to have been too wrapped up in Xander to notice the entire exchange.

"I think his rib may be broken, and his shoulder dislocated," the Slayer was pointing out.

"Not the first time," Willow replied, unbuttoning Xander's shirt to examine the damaged areas.

"Which one?"

"Either."

"So why were you involved?" Giles asked the vampire, trying to watch him and monitor the assessment at the same time.

"It's just one of those fun ways of annoying my ex," he smirked. "Besides," his face fell into a pout, "I was bored."

"Well, there's nothing I hate to say more, Spike, but thank you." Buffy stood up for a moment, massaging her bruised thigh unconsciously. "You may have saved Xander's life tonight."

Just then, a moan came from the cot. "Buffy?" 

The Slayer moved immediately to Xander's side. "Right here, big guy."Buffy rested her hand on his bare chest. The smile on her face was bordering on pure joy, while the expressions on both Willow and Spike's faces indicated heartbreak. The link of affection between the wounded man and the Slayer was quite visible, even if they weren't yet aware of it.

"Pity," Spike said, and turned on his heel and left.

~**~

"Wills? Can we talk?" Jonathon had returned from his vacation, and Willow had been so busy being nervous around him she hadn't even noticed Xander entering the store.

"Uh, sure," she answered hesitantly. She'd sort of been avoiding Xander, too, although not quite as actively as she was Jonathon. She could see her old friend was moving stiffly, still dealing with his wrapped torso due to the broken rib. She looked up, right into Jonathon's curious glance. "Outside?"

"Sure," he agreed, heading to the door. Once out the door, he headed for the raised planter in front of the next store and sat down, patting the edge beside him. Once she settled in, he went on. "I love you, Wills, do you know that?"

Confusion painted her face, and she sensed sputtering and gasping in her near future. She'd seen him and Buffy… 

"You've been the most important person in the world to me, for years. And I want to be *in love* with you, desperately. You may be the only person I've ever known that could tolerate me on a daily basis."

She smiled in spite of the gentle letdown he'd given her. "Anya did."

"Okay, the only person both alive and who's never been a demon of any kind. The thing is, I can't get past the way I love you to love you the way I probably should. Maybe if I hadn't been so stupid in high school, I could'a jumped that fence. I dunno. I almost lost you once that way, and I just don't want to chance it again."

It was the sweetest brush-off Willow had ever heard. "And then there's the whole Buffy thing…" she offered.

He snorted. "There *is* no 'Buffy thing,' Wills. Never has been, never will be." She rolled her eyes, but didn't correct him. "I just know you're alone now, and so am I, and the obvious thing would be for you and I to try again what we screwed up last time. What *I* screwed up."

"My lips were doing just as much kissing as yours were, Alexander Harris. Don't try to shoulder all the blame."

"Naw, I screwed up before that – when I didn't notice how you felt about me, and kept rubbing your nose in it without meaning to. I – I think I may be ready to date again, Wills. After Anya died, I never thought I would be, ever. I just wanted you to know, in case you saw me with somebody, that I'd given you and me a lot of thought first." Xander seemed to be finding something about his own toes immensely fascinating.

A small hand firmly lifted his chin, and he found himself staring into determined green eyes. "I've always loved you, Xander, but I think you just made me love you more. You're the most wonderful friend anyone ever had, and it's an honor and a privilege just to know you." Then Willow leaned forward, and kissed him.

It was a kind of sweet kiss, at first. Then, with determination, Willow deepened it, pouring years of passion into the one encounter. Finally, Xander pulled away, panting. "My God, Wills! That was *not* the natural response to what I just said to you!"

"I know. I just wanted to do that one time while we were both single and I didn't have to feel guilty about it." Then her smile grew decidedly evil. "Besides, I wanted you to know what you'd be giving up."

"You are a cruel and heartless woman," Xander moaned, shaking his head.

"I know."

~**~

"You *kissed* him?" Buffy perched on a headstone as Willow paced before her.

"Mmmm- hmm. And if you're still having that Y chromosome problem, I can definitely recommend Xander as the cure. He's gotten even better at that since high school."

"So, where does this leave you?"

"As his best friend, like always. I have options, if I don't want to stay single. He's just not one of them anymore." Willow had realized that Xander was right – what they had as friends was too special to mess with. Even the slightest chance that it might not work for them as lovers was enough to scare her off, especially considering their combined histories. Besides, the sparks she'd seen pass between Xander and the Slayer were impossible to ignore. "How 'bout you?"

Buffy smirked. "Kissed him too."

Willow stopped in her tracks. "When?"

"A couple days before Harm's Army hit us."

"I *knew* there was something going on between you two!"

"Yeah? And why won't you look Mr. Levinson in the eye anymore?"

Willow blushed, and studied the ground. "He's one of the options."

Buffy hopped off the headstone and poked the witch in the ribs with her elbow, leering. "Just how many do you have?"

Willow smiled like the Cheshire Cat. "Not telling."

~**~

Willow wandered through the stacks of textbooks at the college store, schedule in hand. Since she'd pre-registered, she got first dibs on the cleanest and best used books, and had rushed to the store as soon as the papers came in the mail. But she had other things on her mind, really. It was hard to believe that school was about to start again.

Buffy and Xander had grown closer over the summer, and things seemed to be getting serious between them. Willow was totally supportive, being the best friend to both, even when it hurt the slightest bit. But it didn't hurt much anymore. 

She'd gone to the movies and for pizza with Jonathon, and had an amazingly good time. Katie had invited her hiking, and Willow had squealed and sighed over the beauty of the scenery throughout the State Park they had visited. She'd made it clear to both that she wanted to keep things open. No commitments just yet. She wanted to explore her –

Willow grunted as she tripped over the person kneeling at the bottom bookshelf. A moment's irritation swept over her, until she remembered that she'd been the one who wasn't paying attention to where she was going. "Sorry," she offered, I didn't see you there."

The person stood, head still down as he dusted off his jeans. "It's okay," the once beloved voice said in amusement, "This saved me having to track you down. I've missed you every time I've called that Magic Shop." And he looked in her eyes and smiled.

"Oz!" Her options had just increased, again. It was going to be a good year.

~**~

Endnotes: For my Willow/Xander friends – I really wanted him to go for the witch, but the story refused to work that way. I'll keep trying. Blame the final pairing on my friend Nace, who sent me the best Xander/Buffy photo for my desktop. I just couldn't argue with it.


End file.
